The Style Invitational Week 916 Mess with our heads
BAYSOX FANS CAN FIND EGGS
‘Pelt an Infielder Day’ expected to draw
thousands
Misunderstanding The Post
seems to be something that some of our readers are expert in — especially when
they read no farther than the headline. So why not try to get a prize for it?
In this perennial Invite contest, take any headline, verbatim, appearing
anywhere in The Post or on washingtonpost.com from April 22 through May 2 and
reinterpret it by adding a “bank head,” or subtitle (like the joke bank head
offered under the actual Post headline above about an Easter egg hunt). For
heads in the print paper, include the date and page number; for heads from the
Web, give the date and copy a sentence or two of the story (even better, copy
the URL from the address bar). You don’t have to use the entire headline, but
don’t skip words or change the essential meaning by cutting off the end, as
from “President kills bill” to “President kills.” Headlines in ads and subheads
within an article (as well as actual bank heads) can be used, too, but not
lines that are are only links or “keys” to a story on another page.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives a handy pocket-size
bottle of Maybe You Touched Your Genitals hand sanitizer, donated by 22-time
Loser David Garratt.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First offenders get a
smelly, tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their First Ink). E-mail
entries to losers@washpost.com or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May
2; results to be published May 22 (May 20 online). Include “Week 916” in the
subject line of your e-mail, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. See more rules at
washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week’s results
is by Dave Prevar; this week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by Tom Witte.
REPORT FROM WEEK 912, in which we asked you to find a word inside another word, pair it
with the original word, and define the resulting phrase. There were far too
many clever “pair-a-phrases” than we had room for in the print paper; the final
24 results on this page appear on the Web only.
The winner of the Inker:
“I’m miming!”: One of the
least heard phrases in the English language. (Michael Reinemer, Annandale, Va.)
2. Winner of the “Gorila
Snott” green hair gel from Guatemala: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious Al: To
describe himself properly, Gore invented this moniker. (Susan Geariety,
Menifee, Calif.)
3. “Whatever,
Eve”: The first-ever male response to nagging. (Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
4. Perv supervisor: A boss
who . . . hey, my eyes are up here, pal! (Mike Turniansky,
Pikesville, Md.)
OK jOKes: Honorable mentions
Pawlenty awl: A boring tool.
(Brendan Beary, Great Mills, Md.)
Massacre Acre: What the other
teams call FedEx Field. (Beverley Sharp, Montgomery, Ala.)
Superman perm: Mane of Steel.
(Chris Rivera, Burke, Va., a First Offender)
Act I Attraction: Nude scene
at the start of a play to assure that the audience arrives on time. (John
McCooey, Rehoboth Beach, Del.)
Eek peek: A compulsive look
at something you know you don’t want to see. (Roger Hammons, North Potomac,
Md.)
Peace Ace: A little-known
nickname for Mahatma Gandhi. (Molly Kelley, Columbia, Md., a First Offender)
Emergency Merge: A shotgun
wedding. (Roger Hammons)
Trappist rap: Silence, but
with attitude. (Gary Crockett, Chevy Chase, Md.)
Volcano can: What you get
after bringing home a six-pack on your bicycle. (Jennifer Sklarew, Washington;
Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf, Md.)
Zirconia con: When you care
enough to put your cheapo ring in a blue Tiffany box. (Barrie Collins, Long
Sault, Ontario, a First Offender)
Tarpon TARP: A way of
protecting the really big fish. (Nancy Schwalb, Washington)
Trumpet rump: The person
inevitably in front of you in the elevator. (Pam Sweeney, Burlington, Mass.)
Official CIA: The one in
Langley , not the one that [redacted] (Edmund Conti, Raleigh, N.C.)
Cement inducements: Mafia
“offers.” (Ann Martin, Bracknell, England)
Candid candidates: Also-rans.
(Peter Siegwald, Arlington, Va.; Todd Carton, Wheaton, Md.)
Tabernacle NaCl: Morton for
Mormons. (Christopher Lamora, Guatemala City)
On occasionally: Pepco
finally sets a customer service goal it can achieve. (S.P. Nudd, Brookeville,
Md., a First Offender)
Urban turban: A do-rag.
(Craig Dykstra, Centreville, Va.)
Bella Rubella: The
lesser-known cousin of Typhoid Mary. (Mark Sasseville, Burke, Va.)
Zucchini Chin: What the mean
kids used to call Jay Leno. (Pie Snelson, Silver Spring, Md.; S.P. Nudd)
Sesquipedalian quip:
Yoknapatawphaesque cachinnation-inducing repartee. (Kevin Dopart, Washington)
Valentine Lent: Forty days of
abstinence. (Nancy Schwalb)
Got bigotry? The slogan on
the KKK recruiting poster. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village, Md.)
Disputin’ Putin: The new
Russian roulette. (Trevor Kerr, Chesapeake, Va.)
Insipid sip: Instant decaf.
(Melissa Yorks, Gaithersburg, Md.)
Wind Dwindle: Rejected
initial name for Beano. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn, Va.)
Her Netherlands:
His travel destination. (Chris Doyle)
Academy cad: An officer but
not a gentleman. (Pam Sweeney)
A-Rod parody: A-Rod. (Craig
Dykstra)
Omit vomit: Since 1992, the
State Department’s Guideline No. 1 in its briefing for presidential visits to
Japan. (Michael Reinemer)
Snooze ooze: Drool. (Roger
Hammons)
Nihilist “hi”: “#$%#$ you!”
(Doug Frank, Crosby, Tex.)
Cholesterol holes: The means
by which all flavor escapes from fat-free versions of popular foods. (Brendan
Beary)
Pit spit: Economy alternative
to Right Guard. (Jim Reagan)
“I Farmville”: “I am an AARP
member.” (Judy Blanchard, Novi, Mich.)
Epitaph pit: The corner of
the newsroom where the obit writers sit. (David Komornik, Danville, Va.)
Bangladesh Glades: An example
of way too euphemistic real estate copy. (Brendan Beary)
Effin’ reffin’: Fans’ common
explanation for their team’s loss. (Michael Reinemer)
Fort Comfortable: My
man-cave. (Todd Carton)
Introvert Rover: A dog that
prefers to sniff his own butt. (Ann Martin)
Britannia tan: A paler shade
of white. (Christopher Lamora)
Porcupine Cup: Coveted trophy
of the Yokelympic Games. (Jeff Contompasis)
Garbage garb: Anything worn
by the ex’s new floozy. (Pam Sweeney)
Orchestra chest: A pair of
big bassoons. (Nancy Schwalb)
Lace shoelace: Lady Gaga’s
latest concert outfit. (M. Lilly Welsh, Oakton, Va.)
Cat delicatessen: The bird
feeder. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria, Va.)
Zimbabwe MBA: Offers
concentrations in sadistics, inhuman resources and operations mismanagement.
(Elden Carnahan, Laurel, Md.)
Fantasy ant: A worker who
daydreams of being a queen. (Lawrence McGuire)
Snopes nope: That latest
amazing video on Facebook, refuted. (Dave Coutts, Severna Park, Md.)
Probably rob ably: Could be a
Chicago politician. (Pam Sweeney)
Rogaine gain: Gone today,
hair tomorrow. (Craig Dykstra)
Presto rest: 4.0 winks.
(Kevin Dopart)
Camouflage flag: Battle
banner of the Royal Dweebian Army. (Roger Dalrymple, Gettysburg, Pa.)
Tangerine anger: Non-criminal
form of OJ rage. (Kevin Dopart)
Concubine cub: Oops. (Tom
Witte)
Equipment quip: What Richard
Johnson hears all the time. (Pam Sweeney)
Next week: Bring up the rear, or Tail Spin